Confession of an Unemployed Mind

I was thinking yesterday that I should become a stand-up comedian so I could hang around other comedians and they could be my cool, funny friends. I even had an idea for a routine where I would go on stage and just read my mail. I would tell the audience I hope they wouldn't mind, but I really need to read my mail before I started my act and the bit would continue from there. Comedy gold, huh?

Have a happy, baby!

Leftovers

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and the only thing to show for it is the leftovers. I had two Thanksgiving dinners this year. One on Thanksgiving day at Aunt Linda and Uncle Jerry's and an another dinner at the Group Home on Black Friday. For the fun of it, we at the Home decided to throw a post-Thanksgiving dinner for our family and friends with a turkey and everything. Tim called it "Thanksgiving: The Sequel". Despite a turkey that took a bit longer to bake than we anticipated, I think everybody enjoyed themselves. I'm just satisfied I didn't burn the dishes I made and that they were actually edible (Nothing ruins a dinner faster than a trip to the hospital to get your stomach pumped!).

Don't Rain on My Parade

Happy Thanksgiving! Just for the fun of it I decided to blog the big Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'll be watching NBC's telecast with its bad lip-synched musical numbers and Al Roker. Huzzah!

9:35am
Okay, I'm running behind as always. The cast from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is doing a number and people are actually clapping. NBC usually has canned applause after every musical number, but this was actual people clapping. Huh.

9:48am
Al Roker is interviewing Adrian Brody. A little King Kong talk and we're at commercial.

9:50am
I like the Macy's parade. I always wanted to go to New York and see it in person. I told this to Eric Whetsel once and he gave me a strange look.

9:55am
Another commercial. I think the actual parade is about to start. I think I'm going to make some toast.

Okay, maybe it's 9:55am for real
It's time for the Rockettes. Katie Couric sez "Leggy Legends".
I'm starting to realize why I haven't watched this in the past couple of years. Yawnish.

10:00ish
I just grabbed some pudding from downstairs and the parade has started. Katie and Matt Lauer's banter about and the giant turkey float is coming into view. And there's Scooby Doo in balloon format. He's staying inflated and that's always good.

10:10am
Nuts! I forgot to save my last update and now it's gone. To recap, the parade has started, I grabbed some pudding, and we saw the Scooby Doo balloon. Now there's Big Bird in balloon form and there's the Sesame Street float with Gordon singing something. There's Bob and Susan and where's Maria? I demand Maria!

Poor Rita Coolidge. You only see her at parades nowadays. She needs a new agent.

10:19am
Puffy AmiYumi proves something. I can't figure out what at the moment, but something. After all these years, I still hate Barney and his balloon is doing nothing for me. Marching band time again! My pudding is good.

A Build A Bear float with singing 'tween pop star wannabes. I suddenly miss Puffy AmiYumi.


Now a commercial for the Build A Bear people with a little girl who looks and sounds like a young Shirley Hemphill.

10:30ish
Mattel spent some money on a Barbie float. A lot of Radio Disney "superstars" are on this thing. I liked it better in the old days when they had the third maid from Different Strokes lip-synching a song from The Sound of Music while riding an animated cactus, but that's just me.

A mob of girls in sailor suits are dancing about and Katie calls them "Cute!". Time for another marching band with hula girls in flesh-colored sweatshirts. And SpongeBob Squarepants flies by while Katie and Matt Lauer spout bad underwater puns.
I'm making some toast come next commercial.

10:50am
An Animal Planet float with Tommy Tune! Just like Rita Coolidge, he's come out of hibernation to sing! Disney's Chicken Little has a balloon and it's not that bad. I still want toast, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs. Maybe next commercial.

More marching band action and there they go. I see Charlie Brown coming soon and NFL mascots on parade! Oh, Kristin Chenoweth, sing to me! Sing to me! Damn, she's cute! Marry me, Kristin!

Toast time!

11:10am
Okay, I'm back! Did I miss much? I didn't think so? My niece Maddie's favorite, Dora the Explorer, soars by and I'm eating toast. Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Linda and Uncle Jerry's is around 2:00pm so I don't want to ruin my appetite. Man, I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep and now I want to nap. SuperGrover is flying rather low. I love Grover. Oh no! Cheerleaders. Go away, cheerleaders, go away!

11:25am
This is feeling more like a chore. Did you know Ronald McDonald teaches the importance of fitness? Neither did I. As a Jay Stephens fan, I'm happy to see a Tutenstein float. Does he get any money out of that?

A commercial for a Seth Green sitcom and it really doesn't look that promising. By the way, does anybody else think Green's Robot Chicken is more miss than hit? Too much vomit and fart gags for my taste.

So Mr. Potato Head is healthier because he's wearing running shoes and has a water bottle? If being healthy just requires a water bottle, please sign me up.

11:40am
I see Garfield in the background. No mention of Jim Davis though. Oh, the Beach Boys. Is Mike Love the only original member left? Does anybody care? I always heard Love was a jerk.

Kermit the Frog is Target's new spokesman?

Things are starting to wind down and I feel so empty. I should have slept in, because the parade really isn't that entertaining. Each float and balloon seem like a product placement. Has it always been like that and I just haven't noticed? Am I turning into a humbug? So, so sleepy.

11:55am
And here comes Santa Claus in his Father Christmas garb. Okay, Santa is a little too animated. Somebody give the big guy some Ritalin! The gang from Today just signed off and so am I. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Weekday Update

So what's going on? Is anybody doing anything cool? I know noted plumbing monkey and friend, Theresa Keihn, flew around on a private jet with a billionaire just recently and Mr. John Oak Dalton got a new job (Congrats again, John!). As for me, I'm laid off. I've applied for unemployment, done some scribbling here and there, and I'm waiting for Thanksgiving to make its presence known. In other words, I'm doing my part to maintain the mundane (No need to thank me!).

A Bad Development

Well, I didn't get laid off yesterday though it could happen next week. Monday possibly. And here's some more Bad News:It looks like Arrested Development (You know, the funniest show on TV!) is getting cancelled. Yet another great show that ends way too soon. Sigh. I'll be watching until the bitter end though and a big chicken dance to all of you who never gave the Bluths a shot in the first place!

All the News Fit to Print

Time for another progress report!

Good News
I think my bout with Bell's Palsy is about over. Things have generally returned back to normal though I still have some trouble spitting (Aren't you glad I shared that tidbit?).

Bad News
I received my hospital bill from my night in the emergency room and oy! Though my insurance took care of most of it, it's still pretty pricey. Why, oh why am I not independently wealthy?

Good News
Though I know I have no chance of getting it, I applied for the receptionist position at work (Okay, stop giggling!). My application was not the greatest. It reminded me of all those lousy cover letters I consistently crank out time after time. Oh well, at least I tried.

Bad News
It looks like I may get laid off tomorrow. I repeat: Why, oh why am I not independently wealthy?

Good News


I finally printed up my 24 hour comic book that I made earlier this year. It's such an odd, little book about a bratty boy, a talking fish, and other assorted nonsense. If you want to give it a shot, some more info can be found here!

The Return of the King

Okay, time for some more Larry King-sized ramblings, because it's so gosh darn easy!...Yes, I did dress up for Halloween. I was Thing #1 from The Cat in the Hat. I'll post a picture once I get my hands on one...Smarties are the poor man's SweeTarts...Arrested Development is the best show on television and it's a damn shame no one is watching it (Except all us cool people)!...Seeing a little baby's picture in the obituaries can really bring me down...Squidbillies: acceptable, 12 oz. Mouse: unacceptable...Here's a question for a DC Comics fanboy/fangirl: Do you think Monsieur Mallah ever gets jealous of Gorilla Grodd?...Something from a recent New Yorker that made me laugh: "We've got to fire Brownie. We're Brownie-firers."...Finally, here's one of the reasons I love John Dalton's comic books: